Friday, September 15, 2006

What's worse than sticking your nose into others' business?

Involving yourself where you don't belong is bad enough, but it's worse when you get others involved in things that don't concern them, and even worse when you let people get you involved in what's "none of your beeswax."

My best friend at work informed me today that certain people, who he refused to name or number, are taking issue with me over something extraordinarily trivial. I won't detail it here, in no small part because I generally avoid blogging about my job, but also because it's not worth mentioning.

Supposedly these people have come talked to me, but I can't remember who, so therefore I don't even know how many. Two? Ten? Maybe I don't recall because I'm actually too busy doing my damn job to pay attention to trifling matters. I seriously doubt that these people have approached me, anyway, suspecting that my friend is misguidedly trying to "protect my feelings" or some other BS by anonymizing them. Either way, what he's really doing is letting these people involve him in a matter that doesn't concern him.

If you have something with a co-worker, relaying it through that person's friend is not the way to do it. It's simply not professional, and it's not considerate. If you've brought it up with the person and got nowhere, then bring it up with the person's immediate superior, or bring it up with your own superior (who can then talk to the person). After work, my friend said I have a very Asian way of looking at it. No, as a matter of fact, that's not something peculiar to Asians. It is, however, part of my old-fashioned perspective on many things. It's also how the military operates.

My friend excused these peoples' refusal to go through the proper channels, saying that "It means you're in deep shit" if your boss talks to you about something, but why should that necessarily be the case? If something's up, I'm professional enough to accept a sit-down as just that; if I take it personally, perhaps I'm not professional enough to deserve my job. Also, my manager is one of the nicest guys you could ever meet, so I could never take any offense from him anyway. It didn't surprise me to learn that he's so widely respected across the entire firm.

I truly hope I don't find out who these individuals are. It's not that I'll be vindictive about this or even take offense, but that I just don't like losing respect for people who I otherwise considered nice (like my co-worker who spread gossip about me last December). Had they come talked to me, supposedly again, I would not have taken any offense at all. But now I am, not because of their issue with me, but how they're doing it.

My friend said that he didn't mind them involving him, but I replied that I do: he's my friend, but that doesn't make him a conduit, so the next time this happens, he should refuse and instead tell them to go talk to me. No offense to him, but I'm really surprised that my 40-something friend, who has worked in business world for a couple of decades, chose to be a superfluous link in a silly chain. It's a high school mentality.


Blogger frhe sjgg said...

Good post. Very true words. Hmmm, maybe the use of 'emotional intelligence' applies here to your reaction to what happens to almost everyone at a certain point in their respective careers.

Saturday, September 16, 2006 10:01:00 PM  

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