Ah, he remembers it well

Charlie sent me this about Kim Jong Il:

Eleven holes-in-one in a single round

SEOUL (Reuters) - North Korea's Dear Leader Kim Jong-il never forgets a phone number, a cadre's career or a line of computer code.

According to an article posted Tuesday on a Web site run by North Korea, Kim wakes up early every day for intensive memory training where he sits down and commits to his keen mind items such as the phone numbers of workers in his Stalinist state.

"I remember all computer codes and telephones that workers are using now," Kim was quoted as saying on the Web Site "Uri-Min-jok-kiri" (www.uriminzokkiri.dprkorea.com), or "Among our People."

Kim surprised a group of North Korean officials attending a meeting in 2002 by recalling all their phone numbers "with lightning speed," the site said.

On a day Kim visited a cemetery, he looked around at the tombs and he remembered the achievements, characteristics, tastes and bereaved family members for hundreds of the dead by a quick glance at the names on tombstones, it said.

"All the attendants were surprised at his incredible memory," the site says.

North Korean propaganda is ripe with the amazing achievements of its Dear Leader. The highly controlled state also closely monitors its citizens to make sure they do not speak out against Kim or challenge his rule.

Kim pilots jet fighters, pens operas, produces movies and accomplished a feat unmatched in the annals of professional golf by shooting 11 holes-in-one on the first round he ever played.

The Web Site said Kim told all workers they should develop their ability to memorize. "The memory of a person gets better when a person uses their brain often," he was quoted as saying.

I believe Kim's incredible memory as much as Iran claiming they want nuclear technology only for peaceful energy. Piloting jet fighters? Writing operas?

I suppose his "11 holes-in-one" are possible if communist golf is akin to miniature golf. Only someone with superhuman golfing ability, like Tiger Woods or John Daly, could reach a standard par 4 (~400 yards) in the drive. Holes-in-one happen on par 3s, whose par would total 33 strokes. Minimum par for 18 holes is 70 strokes, meaning 37 strokes remaining to distribute among the remaining 7 holes -- about 5.3 strokes per hole.

Good heavens, the communists can't even come up with plausible lies. Unless after every swing, Kim's caddie -- who might bear a striking resemblance to Oddjob from "Goldfinger" -- finds that the ball miraculously flew through the woods (or dipped in and out of the rough) and into the cup, and so quickly that no one saw it?

The wonderful musical "Gigi" had a wonderful song "I Remember It Well", sung by Maurice Chevalier and Hermione Gingold. Here's my rewrite. Kim is talking to the son of someone Kim "remembers" as a loyal subject:

Kim: I remember your father. He flew a Mig --
Choi: So scared of heights, he couldn't fly.
Kim: His vision so sharp --
Choi: He was legally blind.
Kim: Ah, I remember him well. He was six-foot-three --
Choi: He was five-foot-one.
Kim: Survived by three daughters.
Choi: Just me, a son.
Kim: He gave his life to save me.
Choi: Oh for heaven's sake. He never even met you, you senile commie!
Kim: You shut up. Guards, take him away!