If someone calls you a tyrant, call him a...philistine?

N.Korea Says Bush Comments Show He Is a Philistine

Pyongyang branded President Bush a philistine and a cowboy on Saturday after he called North Korean leader Kim Jong-il a tyrant earlier this week.

The North's official KCNA news agency reported a Foreign Ministry spokesman as saying Bush had slandered Kim in Thursday's comments, in which he also called the country's reclusive leader, Kim Jong-il, a "dangerous person."

"He (Bush) is a half-baked man in terms of morality and a philistine whom we can never deal with," KCNA cited the spokesman as saying.

That's the best they could come up with? "You're a tyrant, Kim." "Oh yeah? Well you're a, you're a...boorish barbarian!"

Do North Korea's leaders, does Kim himself really believe their rhetoric? The U.S. is the one constantly working to bring North Korea back to negotiations. Clinton, in all his naivete, thought he had succeeded. But time and time again, it's the U.S. who has to drag North Korea to the table, not the other way around.

I'm reminded of a joke I heard a few years ago.

So all the countries of the world are sitting in a bar. The US and the EU are at the bar, drinking and telling jokes. Poland is down at the end going, "Hey man, you know we got jokes about you guys in my country" and drinking cheap booze. All of a sudden, Iraq sits down at the bar and orders a Scotch and water.

The US looks over and sees that Iraq has a sawn-off shotgun stuffed under its coat. Now I don't know what you've been led to believe by TV and movies, but hiding a sawn-off under your coat without it being somewhat noticeable is rather hard. So the US jumps up and yells, "What the smurf, man, you packin'? You up in NATO's hood, packing a sawn-off!"

And Iraq replies, "I'm not packin'. I don't have to put up with this crap, and if you don't shut up, I'll fill yer ass full of buck shot so fast it'll make your head spin!"

So then America turns to the European end and says, "Yo, check this smurf out."

Germany steps away. "Oh, no. Last time I got in a fight I got my ass handed to me."

France backs up. "Yeah man, me too. Plus, this guy owes me money."

But England says, "What the smurf, man. I got your back, US."

Now UN, the bartender, sees everything and walks over. "Hey fellas, I don't want any trouble here. Iraq, just let me look under your coat and see what's going on. If you don't have anything to hide, it's all cool."

"You can look under the right side of my coat, but not the left side," says Iraq.

Then all of a sudden, North Korea jumps up on a table, cocaine smeared across its face, screaming, "DON'T [bleep] WITH NORTH KOREA MAN!!!!! YOU [bleep] BETTER NOT SMURF WITH ME OR I'LL RAIN ATOMIC DEATH DOWN ON ALL YOUR GOAT-MOLESTING ASSES!!!!!!!!!"

And Japan, who's been trying to pick up this girl by the pool tables, looks up and says, "What was that about atomic death?"