Chicken Little was a conservative

Nine "suspicious" packages were found around Boston. As soon as the rumors began, conservatives started flying off the handle.



That sure looks like a bomb...right? It looks like that old Lite Brite children's toy. Where are all the exposed circuit boards and wires that were in various news reports?

Well, let me give you "Perry's rules for how to act like a conservative in a crisis":

1. Seize on a rumor. Be sure to use appropriate variants of the three Ss: suspicious, shutdown, and serious.

2. When it turns out there was no real threat, claim that terrorists were "probing for weaknesses."

3. When step 2 loses all credibility, call it a hoax even though it wasn't one. Forget the fact that a true hoax requires genuine intent -- you must mask the fact that the police were being (as usual) a bunch of paranoid fucks.

4. For a scapegoat, single out a legal immigrant who was merely doing honest work.

5. And finally, place ultimate blame on that damned liberal media.